For years, I’ve felt reluctant to grow up. All of my birthdays have been sad, because I just keep growing older. I cried when I got my period for the first time. And second. And third. I knew that was a significant mark of womanhood, and I wanted nothing more than to stay out of it. I cried the first time my Mom made me wear a bra. Though I have not worn one in three years, my boobs have grown and I still feel scared when I think about it. I quit my first job since it made me uncomfortable simply because I could not believe I was old enough to have one. I still haven’t had my first real kiss and I would never think about going to a high school party. Although it took me a long time, I realize I have a huge fear of growing up.
It’s not that I even had an amazing childhood that anyone would miss, but I just can’t seem to let go of it. Maybe I feel as though it COULD’VE been better, or it SHOULD’VE been better. I need to accept the fact that I cannot change it. Spending all of my time hoping and wishing I was raised in a different area or family wastes my time thinking about what I am doing right in this moment.
A lot of my childhood, I was obsessed with teenagers. When I’d go to the mall, I’d see the sixteen-year old boy and girl holding hands and smiling. I saw the group of girls holding 25 shopping bags collectively, whispering about the hot topic in their group. They always seemed so much older than me. Actually, they still feel so much older than me. Everyone my age has been through so much more than I have and I feel so behind and lonely. I feel like it’s time to stop obsessing over teenagers and the way they act (and calling them ‘they’ like I am not one myself). I need to experience things, kiss people, get a job, and do more than just sit in my room reading a book all day. I’m anxious and I don’t know where to begin.
I guess I just wrote this essay to make myself feel vulnerable and hopefully discover I am not alone. I’m not sure how exactly to grow up, but I think it starts by living in the present rather than the past, or even the future. I’m always in a rush, but I never stop to think what I’m doing. I need to stop trying to make things happen and accept that they will happen if they are meant to. I’m hoping 2018 is an actual fresh start, for me and everyone else reading this that feels lost. May you stick with your resolutions and prosper in every way you can. I love you. (This world needs more love.)
All the love,
First things first: What is the Mercury retrograde?
From December 3rd to December 22nd, planet Mercury (the planet of communication), will be in retrograde. This means that Mercury appears to be going in reverse, which can screw up communication, moving on, and transmission of any kind.
How do we survive this?
- Don’t do anything too risky. Double check and proof read all messages, don’t say anything without clearly thinking it through. Whatever can go wrong, will.
- Make your intent clear with people. Don’t be wishy washy- people will misunderstand you.
- Clear your mind. Get things done. Splurge on aromatherapy and sage. Do yoga and listen to soft music.
- During the retrograde, it is the perfect time to reflect on the past year. Read old journals. Read old love notes. Write new ones. Don’t send them (yet).
- Make sure you have time set aside for anything that could go wrong- this means show up at the airport early. Order your coffee ahead of time. Set your alarm. Don’t be late.
- Read your tarot cards. Do a “past, present, future” spread. Are you content with your current direction?
- Make lists. Fill them with ideas, random thoughts that pop in your head, resolutions, etc. Keep your lists in a safe place. Do you ever wonder where all the notes that you scribbled to yourself went?
- Take time for yourself. Wear comfortable, soft clothes. Meditate.
- This is not the time to be impulsive. Remember this.
- This is the time to refuel. Fill yourself with inspiration from films and 90’s movie stars. Reinvent.
Remember- you can always just blame it on the retrograde.
By Gabi Barrera
Trying to cut your obsessive sugary coffee habit? Maybe a Redbull addiction? Or both? Or you just really like tea and want to learn some more about it? Have no fear – lets break a few types of tea down with their benefits. Photos included are my favorite brands of each.
– contains antioxidants that slow signs of aging, prevent the flu and raise your
– shown to prevent and slow cancer
– helps with arthritis and bad cholesterol
Yerba Tea – ATTENTION ALL CAFFEINE ADDICTS!
– a stimulant, without the jitters
– full of antioxidants
– could have anti-cancer properties helps stimulate the immune system
– protect against disease.
– helps eliminate bad breath.
– proven to help you de-stress fast
– medical research indicates that it lowers the risk of heart attacks and strokes
– reduces high cholesterol
– aid digestion
– cleanse the blood and help with weight loss
– busts cholesterol as effectively as some medications.
– speed up your metabolism
– burn fat and block fat absorption
– can be used to fight high blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease
– more effective than even green tea at preventing cell damage
– can shrink cancerous tumours and stopping the growth of cancer cells.
– becoming the new cosmetic fix for aging skin