Lately, I’ve been going through an existential crisis of sorts.
Well, no maybe more of a transitional sense of dread that I’m sure most second sem seniors have experienced, or at least thought of experiencing, at one point or another during the school year.
And, even though I have almost everything figured out and set in place for me, where I’m going to school, my major, classes that i will be taking, jobs that i *hope* to have, extracurricular classes and clubs that i want to participate in, an even more terrible and borderline angsty feeling has taken over me: the feeling of waiting.
Not the feeling of “Marley what the fuck are you going to do with your life?” Which, admittedly, is a much more daunting and horrifying question than the ones I have been pondering as of late, or “aren’t you afraid to drift apart from your friends and family as you descend into the college abyss?” Ok, maybe that one still stings. But more of the feeling of “…well, i guess this is all for now, until my “new life” starts after summer. Time to… pet my dog? And not study?
That partly sums up all that’s been transpiring since I’ve committed to the community college that I will be attending in the fall. Even throughout this endless boredom, there has been a slight silver lining. Reflection has been my savior in these last few days of my childhood. I’ve learned a lot about myself by watching others these last few months. As graduation as well as my high school career draws to a close, I realize more and more how similar I am to those around me, and how intertwined the human experience is. This realization has made this existential transition almost easier for me, and ultimately transcendent. As my godmother always proclaimed: “Que sera sera”, or “whatever will be, will be.”
By Marley Fleming