Search & Find

A poem about the transition from self-hate and being lost to self-love and finding oneself.

Search & Find

Time, slow time.

Growing and not knowing,

Blindly looking around

For love and attention.

 

Broken hearted needing acceptance,

Slowly getting right off track.

Walking into dry heat desert,

But I’d give you the shirt right off my back.

 

Food and water,

Need food and water,

But if he needed it,

He’d soon have my food and water.

 

Selfless love, burdened love,

Not knowing balance,

Give give give,

And not enough take.

 

Running out of love in my tank,

Getting deeper into the forest of despair.

Running out of fuel for life,

Looking into his blank stare.

 

Crying and trying,

Can’t figure it out.

Looking around,

Spiraling down.

 

Hurting and flirting,

Don’t know how to go back,

Feel the burning,

Take it, I say.

 

Night and Day,

Which one’s worse?

Faking through the day,

Or finally opening the flood gates?

 

Yes, it hurts, but you deserve it,

Your scum,

Your worthless,

I hate myself.

 

Who am I?

How did I get this way?

How did it get this bad?

How long will this last?

 

Not long beautiful baby,

I’ll take care of you.

Your angel from the future will guide you,

Find your North Star.

 

Learning and turning

Life around.

Baby steps and hard work

Finally finding out my worth.

 

Crying as I’m  realizing,

Who I am and how I got here.

It’s okay child,

Stop with those tears.

 

See, the only way out is through,

Getting to know yourself,

Finding strength and what’s true,

And mending your scars every day.

 

You can’t go back to who you were,

But who you ought to be is much better.

The person before was great, I’m sure,

But you are much stronger and smarter in the future to come.

 

Day by day,

Night by night,

Figuring it out,

One step at a time.

 

Loving and caring,

From yourself and from your loved ones.

Second chances within yourself,

And broken hearts finally gone.

 

Beautiful,

Amazing,

Whole,

Complete.

 

Smart,

Courageous,

Soulful,

Happy.

 

No longer lost,

The search is over,

Now I have been found,

And this is who I am.

By Jeni

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