Everything I Have Written About My First Love

November 13, 2016

She was simply bemused by him. Honestly, she didn’t know what to think. She studied the way his fingers slid so easily over the piano keys. Was it a technique? Was it a memorized routine? Either way, it trapped her under a spell. The music carried her away from a stressful life. She never knew something as simple as a piano could do such a thing. As she thought about it more, however, was it really the piano? Or was it the piano player?

Her eyes moved from his graceful fingers to his soft featured face. Glasses sat on the bridge of his nose, and freckles dotted the cheeks behind them. He stared intensely at the sheet music set in front of him. Despite his flawless playing, his eyes looked almost confused. Focus. That’s what it was.

His eyes softened as the piece came to a gradual close. He turned to her, gave her a polite grin, and packed up his stuff to leave.

December 1, 2016

The boy with the cold hands was the only one who occupied her thoughts. Whenever their hands intertwined she had to breath into them to warm them up, but it was worth it. This boy, tall, lanky, with pretty brown eyes and freckles dotting his face had her utterly enchanted. The amount of times she had thought “Why me?” Was innumerable. What about her stood out to him?

She didn’t want to be insecure, however, her daily doubts and curiosity on why he picked her made that impossible. In the back of her mind she hoped he thought the same things, but she knew that was next to impossible. As diverse people, and based on all the conversation they had, the ways that they think were vastly different. While he had a general carelessness to the manner he talked, she simply cared too much. The consistent anxiety that came with trying to flirt and act effortless in conversation was one of the greatest challenges she had to face. She didn’t want to reveal too clearly how she felt, for fear he would be scared away.

When she was nervous, she would babble on and on. Endless talking was the way she masked how nervous he made her feel. It worried her that he might think she was too weird or annoying. Still, every moment spent with him was spent with a smile on her face.

There was no doubt, she cared about him very much. It was something she desired to declare to all who would listen, but she didn’t want to come off as too strong. She did that last time and it didn’t end the way she wanted it to.

All she wanted was good things, and while she was definitely receiving them, was was also begging the universe for more.

December 5, 2016

She had never experienced something so right as when she was sitting in his arms. It was as if she had been there her entire life, and could spend the remainder of it there. She knew she was where she was supposed to be. All she wanted was to write about him.

She pressed her forehead to his, their noses squishing together. He murmured a joke, and she responded with the First Kiss. It was new, but not foreign. Just like everything else, it felt right.

December 7, 2016

She had always been fond of the way people smelled. It was a comforting aspect when she sat near someone and they surrounded her with familiarity. The way he smelled was her favorite. When they sat in each other’s arms, it was always a warm and welcoming feeling. She wasn’t sure if it was cologne or merely the soap he used, but nonetheless, it was the safest and most comforting scent she had every experienced.

December 13, 2016

When they were trying to get to sleep, she heard some of the prettiest things he had ever said. At times he would laugh. It was barely audible, but it was there.

“What?” She would wonder in a whisper. “Nothing.”
“No, really, what?”
“It’s just…you mean a lot to me.”

When he said this, a wave of butterflies would wash over her. She didn’t know what she did to deserve the endless care he gave her. Everyday she was grateful for him. Everyday he was filling her normally bland life into one of extraordinary color. When all felt ugly, he made things beautiful. Whenever she was with him, everything felt right, even if she was surrounded by a fiery hell.

December 23, 2016

His eyes were the prettiest she had ever seen. When she looked into them, she saw the entire world. When she gazed into them, she dreamed of a new world to escape to. In his presence there was a magical feeling that touched every single ounce of her soul.

How did one person make her feel so incredibly elated? The excitement that filled her body, ounce by ounce, was indescribable. Ideally, she wanted to be relaxed whenever she thought about him; but every time he smiled her heart beat quickly and her breath ran away. After all this time she was still shocked that he wanted her.

She was a butterfly. For months she had been trapped in her cocoon, unknowing of when she would ever fly. She now felt a certain freedom that was new. He gave her wings and dared her to fly higher than she could possibly imagine. It was as if she had been holding her breath, and he made her want to release it and inhale his being for all of eternity.

January 6, 2017

All she wanted to do was feel him with all of her senses. She wished to feel his body against hers. The sensation of laying in someone’s arms was the best the universe had to offer. She would gladly spend a day with her body pressed to his, their lips touching every once in a while over a scheduled outing. It made her feel safe. She had never felt as calm as when she was surrounded by him.

January 9, 2017

HIs mouth tasted like cinnamon. Probably due to the gum he was chewing. She was lost, completely and totally. Every thought she had was on him. His life, his nose against hers, he hands on her head and in her hair. All of these sensations were wonderful.

Her hand curled around the back of his neck, her fingers wandering into his hair. His hands remained in her hair as well. Using her singular free hand, she guided his onto her lower back.

She couldn’t tell how nervous he was, but she knew that she wanted his hand lower. Her heart was racing and she was out of breath, but lucky enough for her, he worked up the confidence to let his hand slide lower. A rush of emotion and adrenaline hit her veins like a car crash. She pressed into him, giving him more leverage.

The feeling was a rush she never had felt before. It was electric. Her entire body lit up.

She parted her lips from his, needing to catch his breath. His hand still rested in the same glorious spot.

“Is my hand okay?” he asked, his voice slightly muffled from being in her shoulder.

She melted. He was such a sweetheart. Of course it was okay, it was more than okay. The respect put behind the question reminded her of the genuine care he had for her.

“Yeah,” is what she said. What she thought was hell yes! January 15, 2017

She wants to be his Sunday morning. Sunday morning are so comfortable and sweet. They are relaxed and familiar. They are relaxed and familiar. They are messy hair and goofy smiles. She doesn’t want to be a crazy Friday night, she longs to be a sense of peace amongst a hectic life. She wants to be a mystery. She wants to be discovered and solved. Like Sunday; so spontaneous and beautiful.

January 16, 2017

His eyes were starry. They always looked like they wanted to say something, but never knew what. They were a deep, dark brown, yet they reminded her of the ocean; so vast and deep. His eyes were filled with mystery and wonder that she still had yet to discover.

Written by Daisy Beckket

Art cover by Nina

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