An Address to the Boy Who Used Me

let me tell you a story, sad as it might be but honest nonetheless. a story of love and i know what you’re thinking, another sickly sweet love poem. no this isn’t about the love in the movies, with false realities but the story of love gone wrong.
 you see, i met this guy and he was kinda cool i guess. wrote cute love poems into the morning hours,called me babygirl and darling, gave me the brightest blush that no makeup brand can ever recreate. told me my laugh was music to his ears. told me he wanted to kiss me

and well love can be described as an ocean to some people. so i couldn’t tell the difference between the butterflies in my stomach or the cramp that pulled me down
a touch on virgin lips and marks on my neck is what i as left with, but yet i asked where was the holding of hands and confessions of crushes. i told myself that you were nervous and i let myself be used.
you wanted no commitment to me and yet i told myself it’s unhealthy, it’s unhealthy, it’s unhealthy but to be honest being in a healthy relationship was something i would never experience now would i?
so what exactly was i to you. a pretty porcelain doll to conform to your every need. a friend is what you described me as but friends don’t use friends, friends don’t kiss friends for fun, this isn’t friends. so don’t spew lies to me and paint it as the truth love. i still can read you like a book.
and you tell me “just stop having feelings for me” but do you tell the power to just turn back on after a hurricane. it’s impossible to fall and catch yourself mid way through the trip.
so leave me be, let me break myself down and bring myself back up like a repeated cycle again and again. cutting you out was hard but healthy and coming from someone who doesn’t believe anything can be healthy for her, that’s an amazement on its own.
my body is more than a board game for when you’re bored. and maybe not all love is like this, but for know i just write what i know.

By Christina


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