It seems as if I am drawn to people who have untold stories in their eyes, and lies under their breath. People who have been left untouched and find pleasure in being closed in.
I find it fascinating, how there are people who don’t romanticize everything, who have not felt heart break, and do not mind hurting others. People who are closed off. I see innocence but a devilish sense of humor in the people I fall for. There have only been a couple, but I have realized that there is a pattern in the people I believe to connect with. That is that they are the wrong people. They are simply unfit for me, but that does not put me to rest.
I only desire people I cannot have, which is not unusual, but I find myself falling for people that hurt me, again and again. People who avoid me, and somewhat want me gone. I cannot understand myself, it is as if I connect with people who do not connect with me, as if it is not mutual.
I connect with people who are opposites of me. I speak my truth, I have courage, and I am certainly not afraid to love. Only I connect with people who are not the same way. People who do not have the same desires as me. It is an awful practice of mine, to feel a connection where it is simply not there. I feel as if I am blind.
I aim to have a mutual connection and end this wounding pattern of lust and confusion. Everyone deserves to feel a sense of worth, and connection.
art by Elesq