My Love, My Muse

teeming in timelessness by dania  


blurry oblivion that sleep carried me into and back from again

i was soft before and i am soft still. i woke up knowing. and i don’t use that lightly. the truth is the hardest thing i’ve ever known and when

i woke up, i had to wake up with it. so sad for it. i am still so sad for it.

for the brief lapse of beautiful fantasy that

i got myself into and stuck to all the same.

and now i have to wake. or the day is gone again. or so it’s been going.
these weeks have been running like that now.

going fast like seconds are free

and don’t and won’t amount to anything but themselves.

we wouldn’t have let our seconds go if we didn’t let ourselves believe that.
but how good is it to handcuff ourselves to what we know to be false?

how good is it to stay by limp bodies?
and in this way i tell you

how good is it to be with me?

if my mind isn’t here too
if my heart can’t quite beat

to the same tune
like it does for you, like it seems to always do

you mean so much to me and i never stopped writing about you
and i know you would have afforded me a second,

but certainly not a second second

and hardly not a minute and definitely not a year

so what do you say we do tonight? if we spend it like our last

and i draw you an evening with the perfect pieces of our past

nostalgia taught me exactly how to do that
i’m suggesting that maybe we won’t wake up so sad

but i’m also agreeing that maybe we will. but won’t you be a

glad kind of sad? the kind of sad that

wants to relive a moment but isn’t quite sure if the happy is worth the

messy?
after all it’s honesty that

gets to us and

the honest thing here is that we’ve only ever heard stories

about fiery love that wasn’t left as ashes.
did we learn this from our friends? or the front of a book?

was it in a movie we saw?

because this doesn’t feel like a surprise and i hate to think i saw it coming all along
i want to help you, cause i can’t keep drawing for you and drawing from you

i want to tell you i’ll be okay and you’ll be too
but if honesty is what we do right then i want to keep doing right by you forever

and it would be wrong to promise anything else.

so maybe you won’t be okay and maybe i won’t be too. but when we won’t

it’ll be after we’ve had some dose of the fairytale

me and you. it wasn’t a bad concept. but we chose this kind of story with our eyes closed. and when we open we have to see the world for what it is. in this world, fairytales have endings before they even begin, and that’s the only way they’re allowed to happen.
what i want to say is

if those seconds with you could be my best

then i am willing to forget whatever mess lies in the rest.

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